Gap Lighthouse

A message from the Gap Constabulary

In honor of Queen Elizabeth’s visit we’ll be giving away a tuna olive loaf to the 952nd comment.

The Chinaman is Not the issue here Dude!!!

This good boy was found behind the Pizza Ox. If he isn’t claimed soon we’re going to keep him. He’s taken a liking to the smart pills dropped by Skidmark and the lighthouse smells better than ever.

Big apologies to the Lil’ Squids Synchronized Swimming team. I think booking the Crones/Colitus/IBS support group was a bad idea. Lesson learned.

Carl from the Pizza Ox just got a new supply of Covid-Kush. $80 for 1/4. Go to the back door, knock 3 times followed by one door kick. Today’s password is Yonie

Sunday 4/4 Save the date! The lighthouse employee Easter soirée is coming up so be sure to save your ones!!!

The Gapanese moon colony is up and running. First Pizza Ox set to open in August 2022

In 1964 Gap Beach was ranked the #1 nude beach in the world. However in 1965 three swingers died in an unfortunate beach fetching accident and was removed from future consideration.

Great news, Keeper Hockenfoos has passed A huge kidney stone. Fuck Turkey Hill tea.

Thank you Jeffrey, you’re a true Gapatriot. These deranged clockers are everywhere.

Never forget. We are the watchers on the waves.

F-PennDOT. If you stay within 3 nautical miles of the lighthouse you are in exempt from Pennsylvania rules. The area is governed by the micro-nation of Gap and patrolled by the Gap Navy who DNGAF. Drink up, Boat Fast, Take Chances. We all remember last year when Dave from the Getty Mart got his dinghy stuck in the Parkersburg sandbar.

Beautiful views from Fulton's shitty boat

Chief Wahoo had just signed a lucrative multi-year deal to represent the Gap Wagon Burners as Chief Oooga Beiler, Indigenous Gapanese legend. Good bless you Chief. There’s a great future for you in Gap.

Buy a skidmark shirt. We need a few more to hit the minimum to print, plus Skidmark needs weed.

Too lazy to caption Cheesemonger and Oooga Zimmerman, chief of the indigenous Gapanese.

The Gap Wagon Burners first home game is tonight at Salisbury Stadium. Lighthouse Keeper Hockenfoos to throw out the first pitch. Also it’s Dollar Dog night sponsored by King’s Puppy Mills.

Ok, I bought the first one. If we sell 8 shirts they’ll print in 3 weeks. If we don’t hit the minimum number of shirts Custom Ink will refund your money in 3 weeks.

Now available in the gift shop.