MK Counseling Services

Parentification is incredibly common. When a parent is emotionally immature, they look at their child as a peer. Or to be their best friend/to take the emotio...nal role of a significant other (common when the parent has a dysfunctional marriage or does not have a partner.) They begin to place the child in a role that they developmentally cannot handle. Many parents also do this because of a crisis situation: poverty, health crisis, addiction, etc. They cannot meet the needs of a household. Children who’ve been parentified seem older than their years. Or they lack a playfulness. This is because they’ve been playing an adult role + the stress of this role is immense. Children adapt quickly to please parents. This is actually we’re people pleasing + self betrayal begin: because the child has no choice. The first step to healing this is to begin reparenting yourself. The most important part of the reparenting process will be: 1. Learning what boundaries are, how to set them, + how to keep them 2. Learning what your needs are + how to meet them (parentified children typically are unaware of their own needs because a parent never helped meet them) 3. Self Compassion: being kind to yourself. Experiencing parentification can be extremely traumatic, confusing, + scary. Being kind to your inner child as you heal is so important #selfhealers

Me: Hey God. God: Hey John. Me: Can you end my grief?... God: I could - but why? Me: So I can stop being overwhelmed by my sadness. God: There is something worse than grief. Me: What's that? God: Feeling nothing. Let grief come. Let it stay as long as it needs to. Let it go. Let it come back. It's all a process. It's all a slow boil. Me: So my grief will never end? God: Not as long as you love the one who is gone. But that doesn't mean that your grief won't take 1000 different forms. Sometimes your grief will look like clouds in the sky or tears on your pillow or memories in your mind. Grief is formless. It will come and go like the tide. Don't fight it. Don't race through it. Don't let other people tell you how to grieve. Your grief is your own. Honor your grief. Me: How do I honor my grief? God: Grab a pen and write down what I'm about to tell you. ***** when somebody else tries to tell you how you should grieve smile and forgive them through your watering eyes and then imagine how lonely it must be to be the person who audits the tears of other people the well-intended will tell you how long you should miss your beloved but you take your time grief is a hedge maze and being lost inside of it is more than okay don't race through your heartache because you might just miss a miracle or two in the teardrops rolling down your face don't grieve quickly just to make somebody else feel better if you need to, let your grief become a coral reef let the algae of your hurt slowly form over the years into the softest violet hue of heaven it can take two lifetimes to recover when our beloved becomes an empty chair it's okay take as much time as you need your healing is your healing and the scars of absence will itch longer than you can imagine but that is because you risked to love so deeply and that is far better than the alternative I am proud of you and the courage it takes for you to grieve so fearlessly don't listen to those who want you to go back to normal normal will never exist again for those of us who have lost a part of our heart if the moon broke in half would it feel normal? to hell with normal normal was their scent on your collar normal was their voice resting in your ear normal was their touch on your skin you have a new normal it's looking at the shape of clouds for messages from the great beyond that your beloved is fine you have a new normal it's building a cabin in the woods of your memory where you and your beloved can meet for lunch you have a new normal it's crying and laughing at the same time whenever their favorite song plays on the radio grief isn't the enemy of life numbness is don't become numb to your suffering welcome it in and let it wrap you up like a blanket whenever it shows up at your door it's okay I swear it's okay your beloved misses you just as much as you miss them and someday you two will get all tangled up together again someday you two will push each on a swing again under a shower of falling blooms and someday you two will ride comets together on the edge of everything and someday you two will giggle at all of the people who tried to tell you how to grieve ~ john roedel

Heartbreaking. Please consider donating to help his family during this incredibly difficult time.