Gentling

When you have that moment of frustration or resentment for your spouse/partner, pause for a moment and know that they may not be with you until you die. They ma...y die before you. The clock is always ticking, and I can tell you from experience that if they die before you do, you will regret every second lost to your petty irritations and resentments. So when you feel irritated or even angry with your spouse/partner, promise me you will remember to say, softly, aloud, to yourself: This is my beloved. Say it three times, with all of your attention. Let go of things that waste your precious time together. See more

The Lotus Seeds Meditation Project is on Pause, may be changing days. Info will be posted here.

If you are a client that has appreciated and discovered the values of doing your clinical counseling work over secure video/phone, please consider calling or writing to your insurer to sate your support in continuing this option beyond COVID. If you have not had such counseling as an option, consider how it is more convenient for you: (doing counseling work right in your own home), not needing to arrange child care, not having to dress for going out, not having to drive somewhere, avoiding driving in bad weather, and the added bonus of less air pollution from driving. My year long (plus) experience is that telehealth sessions work just as well in helping people progress on their goals, there is more consistent follow through on sessions, and people generally like it.

The way out is in.

Thanks to the four brave souls who came out this chilly evening for Lotus Seeds at Nature Works Park. Next week, we will meditate again, detailing a bit more the subtle but powerful energy of mindful practice.

New episode up on six things you can to do today to enliven and enrich your relationship! anchor.fm/bill-krill

Those 15-20% of us that make up the population of highly sensitive personalities do not like our status. It’s really quite painful to be a HSP. It’s not somet...hing we can change, because it’s genetically part of our personality. We can work at moderating this thing that is almost a super-power, but we cannot escape it. We process the world around us in a much deeper way that the rest of you; we are very deep thinkers. We can become overstimulated and emotionally overwhelmed quite easily, because we feel as deeply as we think. Some mistake this for fragility. Trust me, we are not fragile, we have endured psychological, emotional, and spiritual pain that we cannot even describe to you, and even if we could, you couldn’t get it. That’s no reflection on you, it’s not saying you are cold or have no empathy, we know you do. It’s just that for us, empathy lives in us like something always blossoming. We can walk into a room of people, and discern each person’s mood and emotion pretty much instantly. It can be, and is, exhausting sometimes. Being a HSP places us frequently, in positions to be bullied as kids, and even adults. People experience us, and see vulnerability (as weakness). We know we are not weak, it takes great strength to endure what we endure living in a world that is so harsh, so cruel, so full of pain and suffering. We notice every bit of it, because we are extremely sensitive to picking up on details, even those so subtle that most people would pass over and not even notice, and discount if we point it out to them. We try to fit in, but never quite make it. We withdraw at times, to take a break from the overload of sensitivity. This can get us a reputation for running hot or cold, or being shy, or aloof. None of those things are usually true. We do those things to put on armor to protect ourselves. Sometimes it works, but we always find ourselves called back to empathy, to pick up our skills of caring, nursing, comforting, healing, teaching, ministering. It is an internal drive and imperative that we cannot really control. As a result of our personality, we may develop issues of substance abuse (coping), or depression, or anxiety. We are often highly stressed, because we can get into the habit of taking care of others and ignore our own self-care. If you have a HSP in your life, reach out and give them support. Help them to remember to self-care. Not just for them, but for the world. HSP’s help to keep the world a bit more civil, kind, creative, and compassionate.

Coming soon; Relational Aikodo: the Art of Peaceful War With a Narcissist. On Kindle/Amazon. This is a groundbreaking work directed at helping victims to learn important skills to deal with their abuser when they are unable to end all contact, perhaps due to having a child with their abuser. So many other works about the victim/narcissist relationship are just endless descriptions of the narcissist’s many evils; this book is different. Learn relational positioning and interactive skills that help you to protect your mental health, avoid escalation without capitulation, and a shot at retraining your abuser to leave you alone.

new episode up: "Couple Contracts" anchor.fm/bill-krill

I’ve a long way to go, but here is my first try on my self-crafted Native American flute. #anymeditationisgood

Love creates a delightful, passionate, giddy, satisfying, and sometimes deeply troubling or grieving feeling. But love is not primarily a feeling, but a decisio...n. It’s a decision to place your attention and care on the person you have chosen (and hopefully, has chosen you) to dedicate your positive attention. And your positive attention is paid most worthy of love when you decide to focus that attention not only on the pleasant and easy parts of your beloved, but on the imperfections you see in your beloved. This, this is when love edifies both the loved and the lover. See more

Love. Love is the point. It’s why you earn a living, it’s why you made your babies. Life is not about the bank account, the boat, the second home, the new game system, golfing, the beach vacation, online shopping, being a political activist, flowers, chocolates, and fancy dinners...any, any such thing. These things have high potential to toxify our love relationships instead of enhancing them. Life is about love. Choose to refocus your life from where it is and back towards love.

Remember that the best way to change your partner is to change yourself first.

Polarization occurs when folks become emotionally reactive (I am no exception, I make this error as well at times). When a negative thought becomes a negative emotion (usually lightening fast), the resulting behavior is going to be negative. And then, humans being human, we have a win-loss compulsion to return in kind. From small disagreements to world wars, this is how it works. The trick is to displace emotion from leading the three; to use emotion as information for clear thinking, then positive, respectful response. And, to remember, as my best friend always said: Keep in Mind that hurt people hurt people. Compassion is essential to calming and healing.

Let your own pain help grow compassion for others.

I'm finding today in speaking with my clients that their stress has increased exponentially since the events of yesterday afternoon/evening. Do not underestimate the levels of stress that you are enduring. Remember to do your self-care.

What are you paying for when you see a counselor? Well, first of all, your time, since most folks who see a counselor have some kind of health insurance to pay the lion’s share of the fee. But you are paying a highly trained professional with six or more years of higher education, and usually two degrees, not to mention years or decades of important practice (and life )experience. Your counselor is required to engage in continuing education (that is expensive) in order to k...eep their license to practice, and that license was not simple to get...the counselor had to take a big, long test to get it, and pay not only for the license renewal each year, but a good amount of cash for malpractice insurance. Since the counselor is a small business, they also have the cost of record keeping, billing costs, and the overhead of their office rent and office insurance, and utilities on that office. Add to these expenses, if the counselor has support staff, like a receptionist or administrative assistant, they are financially carrying that staff member. So when clients just drop out of counseling, neglect to pay their co-pay or discounted cash fee, or forget about an appointment, the counselor does not get paid for that hour of work. See more

This article is for clients who are dealing with an abusive, dangerous ex; worth the read if you don’t want any details revealed to the ex. https://mashable.com//how-to-blur-your-house-on-google-st/