Mary C Coakley PhD

NOW ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS for our high school Social Competence group. Providing a welcoming, supportive space for your socially-challenged, (perhaps) isolated teen. The group meets on Wednesdays at 7:30pm. For more information, email me at [email protected]

January 11 is Global Awareness of Human Trafficking day. Listen for an important message about how to keep your child or teen safe from predators.

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS ARE NOT JUST FOR GROWN UPS I love to capitalize on New Years to reflect on goals, not just for me but for my clients. The key to success is not "dreaming big" but in getting very practical and specific about how you are going to meet those goals. It's the same for goals you have for your child. What are the areas you would like your child to grow? ** TIPS **... CHOOSE your most pressing goal and work on that intentionally. BE SPECIFIC and concrete about the goal. Vague goals such as "Improve listening" are more likely to be abandoned than specific goals such as "Do what is asked with no more than one reminder." BRAINSTORM 3 to 5 small steps needed to reach the goal. DISCUSS obstacles that might get in the way of reaching the goal, and plan solutions in advance. CREATE a way to track progress and REINFORCE all good efforts towards the goal. Send me a PM if you want a free worksheet and more tips towards reaching goals with your kids! And SHARE BELOW any tips you have in making small changes in your child's behavior

MY FAVORITE BOOK OF 2021 I highly recommend "Breaking Free of Child Anxiety and OCD: A scientifically proven program for parents" by Eli Lebowitz. This book teaches parents how to become more aware of their role in maintaining their child's anxiety or OCD and how to slowly reduce that role. The key, says Lebowitz, is to change the way you respond to your child's demands for reassurance or avoidance, and instead offer supportive responses that communicate your acceptance of hi...s/her distress AND your belief that he/she can cope. The author offers a well laid out, step by step program to follow, complete with worksheets to fill out, and practical suggestions in implementing it. I have been using these ideas in my work with parents of anxious children who resist engaging in therapy, but whose symptoms are negatively impacting the whole family. I have found it really empowering for these families and effective in reducing their children's anxiety, if not completely eliminating it. It is very readable, not overly technical at all, and bonus! Is an evidence-based method of treatment. See more

Happy Holidays! Be the gift!

It's the most wonderful time of the year... ....that's the dream, but that's not the reality, especially if your child struggles with anxiety or rigidity. That's why the key to getting through December is FLEXIBILITY and CREATIVITY. ... In my social skills group, we always ended the year with a small party, eating treats together and playing games. This year, while we are back in person, we are still wearing masks and are unable to eat food together. Does that mean the party is off the table? No! We are flexible, so we will still play games, but we are packing up the party food to-go! Group members will bring pre-packaged treats to share and all will go home with a fun goody bag. You can wish all you want that your child would wear the matching outfits, would eat the food that Grandma cooks, would sit through Church services like you did when you were a kid....or you can recognize that your child has sensory differences, attention deficits and/or emotional sensitivities that make these things hard for him. Be creative! You may not have to completely give up on your treasured traditions, but with some pre-planning, you may be able to tweak them so that your child can tolerate or even enjoy them too.

DOES YOUR CHILD STRUGGLE WITH MAKING OR KEEPING FRIENDS? Social Skills Group Therapy may be the solution for kids who.... Prefer to play alone than with peers Have difficulty with conversation... Don't seem to read peers' signals very well, leading to conflict or rejection Are repetitive or limited in their play interests Group therapy can help your child in all of these areas, through developmentally appropriate play techniques and skill boosting using Social Thinking concepts. To learn more, go to https://gocenter.net/group-information-request/ or call 215-947-8654 x248

I have been decorating my office with posters that help my clients learn to regulate emotions better. I love this reminder to connect before you correct because it speaks to the reality that no one can think straight when they are angry or afraid. When parents have the presence of mind to recognize their child’s rising emotion, and acknowledge it with compassion and understanding, they have a much better chance to settle those feelings. Then the child will be much more open to receive the correction.

DEPRESSION TIPS Shower. Not a bath, a shower. Use water as hot or cold as you like. You don’t even need to wash. Just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while. Sit on the floor if you gotta. Moisturize everything. Use whatever lotion you like. Unscented? Dollar store lotion? Fancy 48 hour lotion that makes you smell like a field of wildflowers? Use whatever you want, and use it all over your entire dermis. ... Put on clean, comfortable clothes. Put on your favorite underwear. Cute black lacy panties? Those ridiculous boxers you bought last christmas with candy cane hearts on the butt? Put them on. Drink cold water. Use ice. If you want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost. Clean something. Doesn’t have to be anything big. Organize one drawer of a desk. Wash five dirty dishes. Do a load of laundry. Scrub the bathroom sink. Blast music. Listen to something upbeat and loud, something that’s got lots of energy. Sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both. Make food. Don’t just grab a granola bar to munch. Take the time and make food. Even if it’s ramen. Add something special to it, like a soft boiled egg or some veggies. Fresh herbs. Prepare food, it tastes way better, and you’ll feel like you accomplished something. Make something. Write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, color a picture, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. Even if you don’t think you’re good at it. Create. Go outside. Take a walk. Sit in the grass. Look at the clouds. Smell flowers. Put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin. Call someone. Call a loved one, a friend, a family member, call a chat service if you have no one else to call. Talk to a stranger on the street. Have a conversation and listen to someone’s voice. If you can’t bring yourself to call, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. Even if you don’t say much, listen to them. It helps. Cuddle your pets if you have them/can cuddle them. Take pictures of them. Talk to them. Tell them how you feel, about your favorite movie, a new game coming out, anything. *** At your absolute best you won’t be good enough for the wrong people. But at your worst, you’ll still be worth it to the right ones. Remember that. Keep holding on. *** In case nobody has told you today: Somebody loves you and you are worth your weight in gold, so be kind to yourself and most of all, keep pushing on!!!! Find something to be grateful for! #SuicideAwareness 1-800-273-8255

Depression is hard.

DOES YOUR CHILD STRUGGLE WITH MAKING OR KEEPING FRIENDS? Social Skills Group Therapy may be the solution for kids who Prefer to play alone rather than join peers at home or at school Can’t seem to get a conversation going beyond hello... Stubbornly insist on having their own way in play, or else they leave Don’t seem to read other children’s signals very well, leading to conflict or rejection. Groups for children ages 5 to 7 and 11-13 have openings right now. Waiting list is open for other age groups. For more information call Mary at 215-947-8654 x248

WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG? This week in group we are talking about the 4 steps of problem solving: Talk about the problem... Listen to understand Think of ways to solve it Choose the best plan When we talk assertively & respectfully, and we listen carefully to other's perspectives, we can work together to come up with mutually agreeable solutions. Let's practice!

LITTLE STEPS LEAD TO BIG CHANGES Most of the teens in my group consider themselves "shy," many of them even say they are "socially awkward." They wonder if they will ever feel confident enough to laugh and chat with a group in the hallway before school, or to hang out with a classmate on the weekend. The truth is, confidence is not something you order from Amazon. You gain it, one small step at a time, by living outside of your comfort zone. You have to do little things that... make you slightly nervous. Maybe you ask your classmate to borrow a pen. Maybe you say hi to someone as you enter class. Maybe you raise your hand in class. By taking these small steps, and repeating them until they are easy, you gradually learn that despite your worst fears, you can actually handle yourself in social situations.

This week we discussed TOP THREE TIPS to increase social attractiveness and approachability: Greet people with "hi" and "bye." Sounds simple, but it is literally "step one" of social interactions. Greeting people breaks the ice and makes a good impression on others. Bonus points if you use their name! Keep your head up when in a group setting. Resist the urge to keep checking your phone. Look around, scan the room, be available to people who might want to connect wit...h you. Smile! When your face is flat it makes people have to work harder to figure out what you are thinking and feeling. People can sometimes be "paranoid" and misread your face as being mad or even judgmental about them.

LITTLE STEPS LEAD TO BIG CHANGES Most of the teens in my group consider themselves "shy," many of them even say they are "socially awkward." They wonder if they will ever feel confident enough to laugh and chat with a group in the hallway before school, or to hang out with a classmate on the weekend. The truth is, confidence is not something you order from Amazon. You gain it, one small step at a time, by living outside of your comfort zone. You have to do little things that... make you slightly nervous. Maybe you ask your classmate to borrow a pen. Maybe you say hi to someone as you enter class. Maybe you raise your hand in class. By taking these small steps, and repeating them until they are easy, you gradually learn that despite your worst fears, you can actually handle yourself in social situations.

This week we discussed TOP THREE TIPS to increase social attractiveness and approachability: Greet people with "hi" and "bye." Sounds simple, but it is literally "step one" of social interactions. Greeting people breaks the ice and makes a good impression on others. Bonus points if you use their name! Keep your head up when in a group setting. Resist the urge to keep checking your phone. Look around, scan the room, be available to people who might want to connect wit...h you. Smile! When your face is flat it makes people have to work harder to figure out what you are thinking and feeling. People can sometimes be "paranoid" and misread your face as being mad or even judgmental about them.

Happy Spring 2021! I haven't posted in a long time, but like you, I have been laying low but still working hard with lots of kids, teens, and families, trying to get through this "new normal." It has been my observation that all the social distancing, while necessary, has been extremely difficult, and often detrimental, for my clients. Therefore I began doing my social skills and resilience building groups IN PERSON since last fall. We are very careful and follow all the re...commended mitigation strategies including universal mask wearing, temperature checks, social distancing, and enhanced cleaning. With these protocols in place we have remained healthy and safe, and best of all, have enjoyed experiencing a safe space to explore feelings and practice social skills. If you have a child age 10 to 15 who would benefit from social skills therapy please send a message or call me at 215-947-8654 ext 248.

Children with ADHD and other neurodevelopmental disorders can be bright, sweet and funny, but also bossy, intrusive, inflexible, and controllingall of which wreaks havoc on their friendships and peer relationships. Join me TOMORROW February 2 at 7PM for a Zoom meeting of the BuxMont CHADD speakers series. I will give an overview of the challenges that our children experience in their social relationships, share what the current research says about treatment, and provide some practical tips and resources for parents who want to equip their children with the best possible tools for making and keeping friends. I will mediate a discussion about programs and agencies in the BuxMont area who offer social skills services, so bring information from any organizations who have been helpful to your child.

Thinking about how this whole year has been somewhat traumatizing to all of us and how that makes us so much easier to "trigger" into dysregulation. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to your kids.

When you feel overwhelmed, focus on what you can control, rather than things out of your control. This year has been so tough, but you can bring more peace into your life by being intentional about where you will spend your time and emotional energy.

Awesome opportunity for girls in Bucks County and surrounding areas! Virtual and super reasonably priced!

I found this PDF floating around online. It is for kids to record their thoughts and feelings about this pandemic. Have your kids work on it and then put it away for them so that when they are older and are able to look back on these unusual times, they can remember what they were thinking and feeling. PDF in comments below

This is a great video for young children and/or children with social learning delays to cope with disappointments due to the current pandemic. TDSocial Skills is a company that produces videos which explain hidden thoughts and feelings in a variety of social situations, and model positive coping skills. I use these videos quite often in my social skills groups. Check it out!