Shannon Myers Marriage and family therapist

Stored within the mind + body is every past experience we’ve ever had. Our core wounds are wounds we’ve carried with us that have cause us deep pain. Usually co...re wounds involved emotional abandonment, shaming, or betrayal. When we experience a core wound in the present, we become emotionally activated. Emotional activation can look different for everyone, depending on the experience. When we are emotionally activated, we feel arousal from the body’s hormonal response + the part of our brain that accesses problem solving, assessing situations, + responding appropriately is shut down. Because of this, it can look like a person is over-reacting, being dramatic, or in more extreme situations become completely dissociated. Honoring + integrating our emotions with non-judgment allows us to navigate our activation with grace. It also allows us to navigate other people’s emotional activation with grace. As we practice, we can choose new responses when we experience emotional activation, creating new neural pathways which allows the body to also respond in new ways. Confidence is a byproduct of understanding your emotions, trusting you can navigate them, + holding space as others work to navigate their own without taking it personally #selfhealers

Every loving actionturning towards bids, checking in with each other, sharing a dream for the futureacts as a deposit to your relationship's Emotional Bank ...Account. So what can you do when prolonged periods of stress, conflict, or anxiety have you feeling overdrawn? What can you do if you don’t feel like you have that cushion of kindness to fall back on? Take a deeper look at the three things you can do to get your balance back on track and start making deposits to your Emotional Bank Account together when you take The Art and Science of Love Online. Get 25% off with code 25ASL2020: http://bit.ly/2x6jfC7

Remember it's Important to Take a Break: https://bit.ly/311L7nh "Without a doubt, no matter who you are or where you live, this year has presented unique challe...nges and difficulties. I want to remind you this week, that even during hard times or sad times, it’s important to cut yourself some slack, show yourself some grace, and give yourself a break. Now more than ever, it’s crucial for us to have the awareness to know when to stop, when to give ourselves a pause, and when to take a rest, in order to reset and regroup. Michelle Maros See more

Boundaries are our own personal limits. When we are clear with our boundaries, we are allowing the people we love to understand what we will + will not accept. ...It’s important to understand that boundaries are for us. Meaning, we are not trying to control someone’s behavior. Most of us (myself included) are conditioned in homes where boundaries didn’t exist so we need to practice. Without boundaries there will be resentment we will feel taken advantage of or emotionally drained. As we set boundaries, we will get clear feedback on the persons level of emotional maturity. Sometimes our boundaries might be completely ignored, argued, or if the person has a deep fear of abandonment they may even try to shame us you’re so selfish or who do you think you are? OUR work is to breathe. To pause before we habitually react: habitually reacting looks like over explaining, engaging in circular arguments, or trying to ‘get’ the person to respect the boundary. The most difficult part of this practice is allowing someone their own reaction while remaining objective + calm. This allows us to follow through with our boundaries even if the person is highly triggered. Boundaries are the path to peace. What’s your biggest struggle with setting boundaries? #selfhealers

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The ego has a flare for the dramatics. For worst case scenarios. For creating narratives around who we want people to be, rather than who they objectively are. ...When people leave our lives, the ego becomes the most triggered. Because it’s the most afraid. Because people leaving brings up our original childhood attachment trauma. And with that attachment trauma comes the egos core beliefs: I am not lovable, people always leave me, something is wrong/not good enough These core beliefs make our ego desperate to be chosen. We can’t actually see the other person we see what we wish them to be based on our past lived experiences. Our deepest desire is that they can rescue us from our pain. It’s that desire that can keep us so focused on the version of them we’ve created. Our work is to honor our inner child. The child who’s not been seen, heard, or able to express. Our work is to validate how painful it is for someone to leave AND to witness the stories our ego creates many (most ) of which are not even true #selfhealers

Daily reminder: What we think becomes our words. What we say becomes our actions. What actions we take becomes our destiny.... A negative and a positive thought can not exist in the mind at the same time. We have no control over what thoughts come into the mind, but we have 100% control over which thoughts we will allow to occupy space in the mind. So be vigilant with your thoughts, and only keep the truthful, helpful, kind, high-quality thoughts to take hold in your mind.

It is not insane to repeat the same behaviors + be surprised, hurt, or feel shame from the result. It’s actually quite logical. Quite sane. So many people feel ...shame over their patterns. Especially when they repeat patterns they know are painful or harmful. From birth to age 7, we are being conditioned in a way that is most impactful for our adult life. Our brain waves are altered + we become tiny human sponges. What were modeled by our closest attachment (parent figures) becomes our conditioning. Conditioning is our programmed, unconscious, responses, habit responses. In order to create new responses, we have to practice self witnessing. Observing what we think, how we speak, how we react. With this expanded consciousness, we can make small choices outside of our conditioning. Like a muscle, new choices must be practiced. As you do the work, know that when old patterns come up + this is just protection. An attempt from the brain to keep you in the predictable future. More than anything, our minds (+ our ego) resist what they cannot predict. The mind will always try to keep you repeating past patterns in an attempt to keep you in the safe, predictable past. It’s quite logical #selfhealers